Consent is a strong word that’s highly significant in the legalities of different human interactions. However, it’s more profound in sexual engagements. Cases in point are the recent high-profile sexual assault allegations that birthed the #Metoo movement.
Usually, the meaning and interpretation of the word are subjects of lengthy discussions and arguments, to the detriment of sexual assault victims. So, to dispel any confusion, we’re here to discuss sexual consent in its entirety. Read on to learn more.
What Is Consent?
Consent is a voluntary and explicit agreement between participants to engage in specific sexual acts. It requires clear, free, and coherent communication throughout the sexual act. Suffice it to say, the participants must check in every time they switch sexual activities.
Consent has no room for assumptions. For instance, agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t mean they can undress you, and hooking up in the past doesn’t translate to automatic hookups in future. Furthermore, silence doesn’t mean consent. Always ask to be sure.
It’s not a one-time binding agreement. Hence, you can change your mind and stop specific acts or the entire engagement whenever you feel uncomfortable.
People who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or unconscious or sleepy can’t consent. Therefore, if you engage in sex with a person whose judgement is impaired, it’s considered sexual assault.
Both parties should give consent freely and willingly. There should be no coercion, threat, or intimidation. Therefore, in cases where the power dynamics are uneven, like engaging in sexual acts with an employee or student, consent isn’t given freely.
How to Establish Consent
The crucial factor in consent is clear communication with a partner. You should always ask for consent before starting any sexual acts and discuss boundaries to ensure you’re both comfortable. And, as mentioned earlier, seek affirmation before you change the sexual act or escalate the pace—be it a casual or long-term relationship.
In addition to the verbal agreement between partners to engage in different sexual acts, people should watch for non-verbal cues. Especially in the heat of the moment. These include nodding, removing a hand from the body, shaking the head in disapproval, or raising the hand to signal “stop”. If your partner doesn’t get the cues, verbalise whatever you’re trying to communicate. On the other hand, ask if they’re comfortable or enjoy whatever you’re doing.
Examples of Words and Phrases Used to Communicate Verbal Consent
- Yes
- I want to
- I’m sure
- Don’t stop
- I want you to
- I still want you to
Examples of Words and Phrases That Show You Don’t Have Consent
- No
- Stop
- I’m not sure
- I don’t want to
- I don’t know
- I want to, but…
- This isn’t working for me
- Maybe we should wait
- This feels wrong
- I don’t think so
- This makes me uncomfortable
The following non-verbal cues or body language could also indicate a person doesn’t consent to sexual advances.
- Pulling away
- Avoiding eye contact
- Pushing away
- Crying
- No physical response
You should note that verbal communication overrides any non-verbal cues when seeking consent. So, No means No, even if the person acts like they’re into it. Additionally, involuntary physiological responses like lubrication, an erection, arousal, or orgasm don’t mean you consent to a sexual act.
Consent Under the Influence
While a person can’t consent when incapacitated or intoxicated by drugs and alcohol, it isn’t impossible to consent after a drink or two. However, it’s a thin line where the parties must be clear and coherent, failure to which they can wait until either or both sober up to initiate sex.
Guidelines to Follow When Seeking Consent Under the Influence
- Whoever initiates sexual activity needs to obtain consent. If either party is under the influence, they should be extra sensitive to the partner’s boundaries and observe all essential aspects of consent—voluntary, clear, ongoing, and coherent.
- If either party is under the influence and can’t stand on their own, has slurred speech, or fall asleep, they can’t consent.
- When one party tries to initiate sex and the intoxicated partner doesn’t verbalise their consent clearly, the advances should stop.
Important Factors to Note About Consent
- A partner can withdraw consent at any time. That means all sexual activity must stop immediately.
- Consent should never be assumed, even if you’re a longterm couple or have hooked up before.
- Silence is not consent.
- There’s no consent if a person is coerced to say yes.
- A partner can consent to a particular sexual act and say no to others.
- Non-verbal cues like pushing away mean you don’t have consent.
Conclusion
Asking questions and receiving consent isn’t awkward or a buzz kill. On the contrary, it’s an important step to enjoy a safe and pleasurable sexual experience. Therefore, partners should always take time to communicate their needs and boundaries before and during a sexual act.
